Maine Point- May 26- Commercials

NOW FOR THIS COMMERCIAL! The Maine tradition of early political promos is well underway. All the 1^st District candidates – save one, Mr. Meister – have blessed us with electronic media. Republican and Democrat, radio and television, 7 out of the 8 are comin’ at us. Just too yummy not to comment.

Among the Democrats, Michael Brennan had the initial offering. A T.V. spot that, at first, looks to be an amateurish youtube skit – maybe because it is an amateurish youtube skit. Talk about the “Blair Brennan Project”. Just horrible.

Recently turned Democrat Adam Cote was next up on the box. The first time I saw it was immediately after “Brennan Head”. It was fantastic – kind of like how fantastic a hot shower is when you’re very dirty. One positive note about Cote’s ad – Adam avec eyeliner saves us from Michael’s Munjoy Masterpiece.

Chellie Pingree is sticking with what didn’t work in 2002 – the “I’m pissed off because somebody hit me in the forehead with a hatchet” gig. Girded with plenty of campaign cash, the Pingree camp contracts with high-level media production therefore using a camera slightly more sophisticated than a Brennan cell phone. Even though it’s evident that Cote’s 14-year-old niece had the day off from doing make-up, no amount of filler or base can hide that cleft sitting smack-dab in the middle of Chellie’s squash. One thing comes across – She’s still pissed off.

Next – Ethan – Julliard on the Bayside – the guy with one name, my main man Strimling is superb. Confidently he conveys to patrons of a local eatery just how much America sucks. “They’ve taken our pensions” he exhorts – “The Gulf War I’m for is between the rich and the rest of us”. Us? With hair like that, he ain’t of us. If you’ve seen Strimling’s act once, you’ve seen the full Monty. Old hat Ethan.

Mark Lawrence wants to impeach the President. At least I think he does. “I’m a D.A. blah, blah, blah…” He wants to bag Bush and notch another one on his prosecutorial bedpost. Not so fast Mister-rep-of-the-people. If you win – a very big if – you get sworn in right before W vacates the premises. It’s akin to spending a bunch of dough to evict a tenant who has already given notice and moved their stuff out. Thank you for playing Mark but, no dice.

Steve Meister apparently doesn’t want to play and, as of this writing, remains media-mute. Mike Brennan’s ad will certainly secure next-to-last place for Dr. Meister however.

Now Charlie and Dean over there to the right of your radio dial. Each has spots up on the AM stations – each attacking the other for various substantive issues. Charlie – just returned from distant battlefields – can’t order a coffee and bagel without invoking Iraq – which, in all candor, is his entire shtick. Team Dean is said to have a T.V. spot ready for release. Rumor has it that, if played backwards at ten-times speed on any 1980’s 8mm projector, it simply says, “Dutch is dead” over and over. Stay tuned on that one. In the meantime, Dean Scontras does attempt to trump the Summers’ tactic of wearing “Multinational Forces in Iraq” on his sleeve by attacking Charlie on the political battlefield. Near apoplectic over a vote cast in 1991, Dean hammers Charlie as a tax raiser. Summers slams back in a little tit-for-tat radio tiff that would be funny if it weren’t so pathetic. Dean did go negative first – clearly miffed at Summers’ superior height advantage (just kidding). Getting down and dirty hasn’t really worked all that well in Maine leaving us with the question “Will June 10^th be Scontras’ Waterloo?”

All in all, 8 very weak campaigns highlighted by 8 very weak multi-media productions. But what else could we expect? This is Maine – the way politics should be. And, come what may on June 10^th, in November we will have our habitually weak 1^st District Representative. Ah, tradition!

Maine Point May 22 – The Great Debate

Ah yes, lightning struck the other night. You know, hot air, colliding with warm, as front rubs against front, out of nowhere, sudden and silky smooth, lightning struck. Crackling through the radio, as lightning often does, it forced me to amplify the AM dial in vain hope of sorting through the static. An electrical storm for sure – this electric event was no meteorological moment however – as the 6 candidates for the Democratic nomination for the 1^st Congressional District waged a war of tongue wagging on WGAN. So outlandish were their opinions even Ken and Mike sounded as journeyed sages when juxtaposed against these jokers.

The “Lightning Round”. Question 1: “Do you favor impeachment of President Bush and Dick Cheney?” Each allowed a one-word response – “yes”, “yes”, “YES” “er, ah, no”, “yes”, “waste of time” – in order, Chellie, Michael, Ethan, Adam, Mark, and Steve. The half-witted half dozen, from among this group is our next congressman. The more I listened the more I learned. Question 2: “Would you favor drilling in ANWAR?” A resounding “NO!” from each. Next question: “How would you lower fuel prices?” Each, according to his knowledge, to each, according to his needs, all of the super 6 said “institute a windfall profit tax of the oil companies”. Huh? Where did these guys go to school, the Marx Institute for Macroeconomics? Cutting supply and adding cost will lower prices? Politicians simply stating that they’d do these two things drive the futures market ever higher. All we can do is break out in that old refrain “Give me a drone who prefers the caribou roam, and we won’t be able to heat our home…”.

One blessing from my birthright as a kid raised on the farm is my inability – even after all these years since the family sold off the cows – to stay up much past 7pm. So, as I nodded towards sleep and away from the no nukes nuts, I found some solace in slumber. The next morning, however, I was awakened by another crowing coo-coo on the very same station.

Governor Baldacci – my buddy (I really do like him) – was doing a little piece on the slowing economy. “Congress must enact a second economic stimulus package!” he proclaimed. When pressed for details he laid it on us. “Extend unemployment benefits and increase food stamp entitlements”. If this were a singular event, I might have been able to start my day on a positive note but, after the proceeding night’s nay bobbing, I just couldn’t take it. Stimulate the economy by encouraging people not to work? Restart the housing market with more meal money?

When it comes to some things, I aren’t the brightest bulb going, but when it comes to turning this boat in the right direction, these boobs know bubkus.

Did Lucky strike out with this one? Make your Maine Point and contact Lucky Cambridge at Lucky@maine.rr.com.